provided a link to www.JeffersonLeadership.com is included.
Category Archives: Grief & loss
Thomas Jefferson on misfortune
I most cordially sympathize in your losses. It is a situation in which a man needs the aid of all his wisdom and philosophy. But as it is better to turn from the contemplation of our misfortunes to the resources we possess of extricating ourselves, you will, of course, have found solace in your vigor of mind, health of body, talents, habits of business, in the consideration that you have time yet to retrieve everything …
Thomas Jefferson to Dr. Curie, 1787, 5286
Patrick Lee’s Explanation
It appears Jefferson is addressing one who has suffered business losses, perhaps serious ones. He commiserates with the unfortunate one but reminds him it is better to dwell on what he has rather than what he has lost. Those resources include a sound mind and body plus the talent and ability to rebuild again what was lost.
As a general rule, Jefferson focused on the positive and the possible and encouraged others to do the same.
Thomas Jefferson on admirable qualities
His [Dabney Carr] character was of a high order. A spotless integrity, sound judgment, handsome imagination, enriched by education and reading, quick and clear in his conceptions, of correct and ready elocution, impressing every hearer with the sincerity of the heart from which it flowed. His firmness was inflexible in whatever he thought was right; but when no moral principle stood in the way, never had man more of the milk of human kindness, of indulgence, of softness, of pleasantry of conversation and conduct. The number of his friends and the warmth of their affection, were proofs of his worth, and of their estimate of it. To give to those now living, an idea of the affliction produced by his death in the minds of all who knew him, I liken it to that lately felt by themselves on the death of his eldest son, Peter Carr, so like in all his endowments and moral qualities, and whose recollection can never recur without a deep-drawn sigh from the bosom of any one who knew him.
To Dabney Carr, Jr. 1816, 1146
Patrick Lee’s Explanation
Dabney Carr was born the same year as Jefferson, 1743, and the two were best friends. Carr married Jefferson’s sister Martha, and they had six children. Carr died before he was 30, and Jefferson was actively involved in the care and raising of his children.
The family story was that Jefferson and Carr used to relax and read under an oak tree on a hill across from Jefferson’s boyhood home of Shadwell. The two were said to have promised each other that when one of them died, the other would bury the deceased under that tree. That hilltop became the site for Monticello, and Jefferson was interred near his friend 53 years later.
Note the qualities Jefferson attributed to his dear friend: unquestioned integrity, sound judgment, high intellect, sincerity, moral firmness, kindness, gentleness, personable in every way.
The recipient of this letter was Carr’s youngest child, born shortly after his father’s death.
Thomas Jefferson on grief
What can be the best response to another’s great loss?
I know well, and feel, what you have lost, what you have suffered, are suffering, and have yet to endure. The same trials have taught me that for ills so immeasurable, time and silence are the only medicine.
I will not, therefore, by useless condolences, open afresh the sluices of your grief nor, although mingling sincerely my tears with yours, will I say a word more where words are vain.
Thomas Jefferson to John Adams, 1818 ,178
Patrick Lee’s Explanation:
Jefferson wrote this after the death of John Adam’s wife, Abigail. The Adamses had been married many years and were widely reported to be completely devoted to one another. Jefferson himself was widowed as a young man, at age 39, after 10 years of marriage. He was inconsolable in his grief and never remarried.
